I am ninety-nine years old. Since a long time ago I have associated with all sorts of men, and witnessed the decline of our species and the inevitable and painful degradation of all human capabilities; particularly I lament the atrophy of our logical faculties. For example, I have never known a man who did not get confused in regard to cause and effect.
To benefit Youth I would like to clear up once and for all from some of the most common mistakes.
First and foremost I want to point out that the cause always precedes the effect, which most people seem to forget, thus running into obvious contradictions. Secondly, a cause is always bigger and more general than its effect and, i.e., the former contains the latter.
Do you think for example, that birds, so to speak, invented flight? Absurd. A typical error that I intend to eradicate once and for all. It is flight that created birds. Flight needs flying creatures. The proof is that in ecosystems where birds are scarce, other creatures like bats, squirrels and other small mammals, and even snakes have evolved the ability to fly. Primitive birds, you may recall, did not fly. They were enabled to fly in a later period. Some, like my sister’s hens, still do not fly.

Even more pernicious is the same mistake in the field of applied psychology. One example will suffice for all.
We got together: I met her and fell in love, we hear. However, I should clearly state that a) I was in love and then b) I met her. The cause, remember, preexists the effect. While I am in love I meet a compatible person, then we get together. What’s more, because I’m in love, I can – not without effort – reach a compatible person. Simple logic.
To make a further example which seems particularly relevant, it is the outrageous state of young minds which causes my writing and not vice versa.

Here is a list from which one can draw, as a preliminary exercise of correct thinking:

(Before you start to scroll through the examples, a suggestion: –
Inhale. Close your eyes. Keep an open mind. Sometimes understanding what comes first is quite subtle. Get rid of your prejudices. It is prejudices that crack your logic).

The mouse who runs away makes the cat chase him
Problems solve men
Addiction creates drugs
God has no evidence of our existence
She is so beautiful because they make her so many compliments
Fields cultivate farmers
Monsters produce the sleep of reason
A full belly makes me eat too much (in stages, according to a complex sequence, but this is undoubtedly the case).
The restless living appear to the dead and torment them
Flowers pollinate bees
The thief creates the opportunity
Speed made everything more electronic
Thoughts come into men’s minds (they not reside there, do not come out).
The target hits the arrow in the eye (I noticed that for some this example seems to be particularly difficult, because of the illusion of movement and certain false ideas and misconceptions about the concept of intention. Remember what I told you at the beginning. the target is there before the arrow has been shot. It’s the target that makes us think that we could take a bow and shoot an arrow, it’s it which finally leaves us with the charitable notion of having centered it and an illusory sense of pride. Similarly, it is the child yet to be born in to make his parents meet).

Once you have mastered the correct logic, you’ll end up with a toolbox of simple everyday phrases, renewed and refreshed, such as: –

I got where I got thanks to many obstacles.
Time has not found me (we all heard the unsurpassed idiocy I have not found the time, as if trying to find the most majestic and unfathomable entity of the universe was within the reach of  the insignificant creatures we are. Instead, it is obvious that it refers to the fact that the time to take a specific action has come, and it did not find us there to do it. Notice how the taste of a petty excuse disappears immediately once the logical connections are replaced in the correct position, leaving the way to a healthy acceptance of responsibility).
We’ve been together a life, let me introduce myself (to which you can bind: I never have sex at my last date – to be said at the point of death for a sure soothing effect).
Do not worry about your son: it is not a phase, it will not pass.
From producer to consumed.
I gave you the worst years of your life, and you treat me like this?
It’s a very quick boy. He must be really unintelligent (the relation between slowness and intelligence is one of the most proven concepts, and at the same time most forgotten and ignored – we do not have enough time to think about it, if you know what I mean).
I am unable to resist multitasking, but I hope you would still hire me. I’m ready to quit.
It’s not really my job, but I’m willing to carry it out, after adequate incentive in the form of disciplinary punishment or cash deduction.
I love her so much that I would not dream of imposing my presence. I want to live my whole life away from her.
This town is too small for both: one of you has to go.

I trust that this lesson was sufficient. Moreover, it is precisely because you have earlier understood the concepts, surely a long time ago, that you are now following this course. Finally, it is known that in this University exams are given at the beginning, this concept being symbolized by the first and most difficult exam of all, which is birth itself. I take this opportunity to remind you to pick up the exam results. The grade, of course, has already been assigned.

Prof. A. Rebours

PS: last night God came to visit me in a dream.
At first I did not understand who or what  that powerful presence was, that formless vibration.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I’m the one without cause.”
“The one without cause. The very thought makes me dizzy and makes my legs shake. I am a professor of logic. I can not occupy myself with that which has no cause.”
“You cannot occupy yourself with me?” He repeated, and the bed and the room vibrated. “Careful, lest I say the same thing to you.”